Monday-Friday: 9:00am-5:00pm
The Other Side
“We are all on a journey. I believe that anyone can be on either side of a situation. A person can be just one relationship, circumstance or decision away from a change in course, whether good or bad. Maybe you are feeling stuck in complacency, having trouble getting motivated for change. As a Recovery Coach my role is to help you identify what you want for yourself, what’s holding you back from making change, and to support you to get to the other side.”
Growing up I felt different, not good enough or liked. Graduation year I started fad dieting. Losing weight gave me the façade that I was better, that I was more attractive and liked. To control this, I developed an eating disorder, which controlled my life for many years. This was my first dysfunctional relationship with something to change the way I felt. I started drinking in an attempt to manage the eating disorder which resulted in complete devastation of mind and body. It was a vicious cycle of obsession and compulsion. Being married young, I was unable to be present for my relationship as I was in a love affair with my secret disorder. My husband’s last words before he left were, “I can’t watch you kill yourself anymore.” This could have been a turning point for me. However, with such low self-esteem and being oblivious to my addiction, I spiraled further. I turned to drugs which totally rocked my world. I became vulnerable to the lifestyle – drug dealers and other people in addiction that somehow became my point of connection, even though I was exploited. A place I could belong but also a place I hated. The pain of who I became and how I was living was crippling. I was lost and didn’t know how to get back on track.
My family tried to support me at first, but eventually had to use tough love. I couldn’t come home unless I made changes. They gave me a bag to gather my stuff, and I remember thinking that the onus was on me to do something. Looking back, I can’t explain why I kept going for the next couple of years, couch-surfing and using. I went in and out of detox, psych wards, addiction counseling and hospitals. My doctor told me, “This is not a revolving door, Cerise”. A police officer said he wanted to see me find recovery before his term was up. These little exchanges served as motivators, offering a little bit of hope. It made me feel that someone could see something in me even if I couldn’t at the time. Unfortunately, I felt like I was on a roller coaster and I didn’t know how to get off.
Things were starting to close in on me. I was getting in trouble with the law and had a short stint in jail. I put myself in high-risk situations that had significant consequences. I was in a serious accident that almost cost my life, suffering third-degree burns on a third of my body. The irony was that in my addiction I took my life for granted, but when my life flashed before me, I fought to survive! I believe in the human capacity to access self-preservation. Many thought this would be my ‘rock bottom’. It wasn’t. I still wasn’t accessing the right support to really help me. I continued to use substances in a continued attempt to numb the pain.
My next catalyst for change was when I found out I was 6.5 months pregnant while in the grips of my addiction. I could no longer deny, justify, or minimize the reality of how my addiction was harming me and now – my child. Desperation and love became the vehicle I needed to find the courage to make serious changes.
“Change happens when the pain of staying the same is greater than the pain of change.”
~Tony Robbins
I couldn’t change on my own. I have had many people help me. Most importantly I have always leaned on someone I trust to coach me and help me navigate what I want for my life. I discovered who I was for the first time in my life when I found recovery.
Recovery has allowed me to clean up my past. After years of not driving because of DUI’s I got my license back, I was granted a pardon for my criminal record and had them expunged, I got off disability and have been a contributing member of society. I have a beautiful relationship with my parents and my son. I have good friends and a positive connection to community. My world is not small and dismal anymore, rather it is full and rewarding.
I continue to define and redefine what I want and fits for me. I have choices today. As I walk with others in my role as a Recovery Coach, I ask those powerful questions that help others define for themselves what they want for their life.
I now have over a decade sharing my lived experience and have been trained to help hundreds of people on their journey of recovery through Addiction Counselling and Recovery Coaching. I am privileged to have worked in every facility that I accessed for my own issues – Addiction Treatment, Eating Disorder Treatment, Mental Health, and Transitional Housing for Women and Children fleeing violence. My heart’s desire is to serve people in recovery through Recovery Coaching, as I believe this to be the most effective and transformative means of making change.
“To be a steady support for people moving through change by promoting autonomy and self compassion while inviting discovery of inherent potential”
~ Cerise, Purpose Statement
“Life is a journey not a destination.”